Wk18 don’t mess with me

One day a ugly smelly grossly looking man called bush man made a michine  that will turn people into stone but they didn’t know that he will turn them into his slave. People think that they will going on vacation one day later all this came and tried it out everyone tried it but this African women said no no oh African Olodo Rabta what are you trying to do here oh .You go into it then I will go oh bush man said no the women took powdiyam from here bag and threw it at him eyes he got knock out then stud on him and ate jellof rice and ruled the world.

2 thoughts on “Wk18 don’t mess with me”

  1. Hi Collins,

    This is a really nice piece, and a great use of the prompt! The prompt is indeed a group of strange rock like sculptures. While you don’t mention this explicitly in your piece, you describe a similar bush man which is equally as effective. This gives the piece a more natural feel than others, but this is captured really well. I can relate to this as I remember watching films which explore similar topics, much like the old setting of films exploring cave men and their development, although this man lives in more modern times, developing machinery. The piece itself is fast paced and constantly changing topic, adding to the rush of the piece which draws in the reader. This disorientation really keeps the reader engaged. The idea that his machine can turn people into his stone slaves is really frightening and adds to the theme of the piece. Likewise, the addition of an opponent to the man brings hope to the piece. The scene when she engages in fighting the man is again sporadic and disorientates the piece. This makes the reader need to concentrate and gives more attention to the piece. This ending of him being defeated is surely a good ending. Good use of grammar and punctuation too, especially your varying of sentence lengths. Keep up the good work!

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