Wk17 the friendly snake

Long ago before there was any laptops or you could even spray paint your cars colours like red ,green and pink actually there wasn’t any cars. There were big snakes that would go around hunting there prey. But one day there was a boy called James who was cycling and let me tell you a fun fact about James.He would always carry around a pocket watch he got from his grandad because they never had a clock. Anyway when James was cycling his bike the snake struck and James fell off his bike. But when James got up he couldn’t find his pocket watch. Just then the snake came over and gave him back his pocket watch.

6 thoughts on “Wk17 the friendly snake”

  1. Hi Shaun great story I love the James carrys a pocket watch and the snake is friendly great story Shaun keep up the great work

    -Ben Q
    mrrussell100wc.net

  2. Hi Shaun,
     
    This is a really nice piece – a really great use of the prompt! You describe an obscure almost historical setting where there are no cars and the nature generally has power over all. This evokes feelings of the pre industrial world. I can relate to this as I remember watching films discussing topics of a similar nature where the world is primitive by our standards. Snakes strike me as particularly dangerous and thus the character has to be particularly careful. I think I would be very scared if I saw one in real life! This in effect really disorientates the piece and draws in the reader. Your specific mention of no colourful cars shows great knowledge, a throwback to the days of Ford’s Model T. When the character is struck by the snake this really heightens the suspense for the reader. Giving the character a personal thing to cling to, like his grandfather’s pocket watch, is really prominent, as it makes the prospect of him losing it even more drastic. When the character falls off the bike, this makes the scene very suspenseful. Likewise, when the snake comes over the return the pocket watch, this disorientates the piece. It seems that in this world the animals are actually good! Good use of grammar and punctuation, especially your use of sentencing. Keep up the good work!

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