WK12: The Picnic

A husband and wife were going to a picnic so they hurried into their car.But the car battery was very low when they got to the campsite they took out the food.They had sandwiches made from white bread.When they got there they were tired but weirdly  energetic.But they got a bit worried when they started hearing noises and things that sounded like bears.They started hiding in the campsite just in case there was something there to right there was a bear in the campsite.The bear came near the couple and then he did something no one wants to hear.

5 thoughts on “WK12: The Picnic”

  1. Good story Shaun. The whole story is good but I really like the part when they were tired and energetic at the same time and the last line how you said he did something nobody wants to see
    Keep up the good work

    From Ben. C
    Check out my story on mrrussellsclass.100wc.net

  2. Hi Shaun I really want to now what the man did to the bear. I love your story keep up the great work Shaun.

    -Ben Q
    mrrussellsclass.100wc.net

  3. Hello Shaun,

    I know that feeling of being tired and energetic simultaneously. I wonder if the low car battery kept the couple from getting away from the bear before he did the thing “no one wants to hear.” Bears will eat anything, so I wonder if the sandwiches attracted the bear to the poor couple. Remember to put a space after each period. It helps your reader follow along more easily.

    Keep up your writing!
    Tracey Ananmalay
    Team 100WC
    San José, California, US

  4. Hi,Shaun

    i like your story I wonder what happened to the family when the bear came. The story leaves the reader wondering. there was something to there right, there was a bear in the campsite Not:there was something there to right there was a bear in the campsite.but it has all the required words but none of them are highlited.
    Read On,Graeme

    Oh hey check out my website: https://kidblog.org/class/rays-1718-pm-rockstars/posts?author=10mb8081tg7bnn1xbj9luoa5v&status=published&status=review&status=draft

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